Memories of Alexander
by snowfox2
Summary: Hephaestion relives the events of his life as he dies. He remember the good and the bad but mostly his relationship with Alexander. A retelling of the movie through Hephaestion's eyes with events that only he went through, and his insight into events. AH


Ayushi: Disclaimer: I'm going to say this once and well just remember everything you read.

I don't own this story or any of the characters as of yet. I mean I wasn't born when this story was taking place so how could I. I don't have any rights to the movie itself. I don't have any knowledge that suggests this is the truth behind what happened. I simple wanted to write a bit and add a little to this great story. I will try to keep the story as true to the events as they passed. I'm trying to combine what I learned from the movie and what I'm continuing to learn from the book. If anything is out of order or character, I hope you'll inform me in a kind and thoughtful way. I'll change anything if it's completely off.

Well without further ado, the story.

- - - - - -

I closed my eyes knowing he would be coming soon. I had sent for him at the last moment. I knew there wasn't much time left. I wanted them to be spent with him, but that seemed selfish. I didn't want to have him watch this. Still I wanted my last sights to be of him. Shouldn't a dying man have his wish? I was weak with a hazy mind, but I could still remember it all. I remembered right back to the beginning. That's what I wished to think about right now. Not the pain. I just wanted to remember the feeling of life. Starting at the beginning. That is what I would do. I would remember it from the beginning.

Years in the Past

His arm took mine and he threw me to the mat. I wrapped my leg around his bare waist, pushed him off me and then I climbed on top of him. I was panting by this time. I didn't know how much more I could take, but I knew I had to last as long as he did if not longer. He wasn't going to beat me to it. Sweat was forming on my brow from the heat. He reached up, and grabbed my shoulders tossing me to the ground using all his strength to do it.

He rapped his knee into my back trying to keep me down, but I slid over to the side and got out of the lock. I wrapped my legs around his waist and forced him down to the ground. I went to put a hand on his neck, and he grabbed both my hands with his; he used the motions to flip me over.

Alexander pushed me to the right as hard as he could and I went flying, my legs kicking out desperately. He got on top of me as I lay on my back looking at him. He smirked and I couldn't take it. Anger bubbled in my stomach, and I wrapped my legs around his waist and tossed him to the ground. I got on top of him and put my hands on his throat. He struggled but I had locked my hands around his neck and my legs around his waist. He couldn't toss me.

Our teacher came over and patted me on the back saying, "Good boy, Hephaistion. Now let the poor boy up."

Alexander slowly rose, a look of anger and detestation on his face. He charged at me, but the teacher held him back.

"Now Alexander you were beaten far and square. Be a good boy and take your beating. Now both of you congratulate each other."

"Great work Alexander," I said smiling.

"Yes, you did well," he said still looking upset.

"Would you rather I let you win?" I asked him in all seriousness. I hated seeming him this upset with me. We were good friends and the only time he wasn't smiling at me was after we wrestled.

"No, never," he said looking up at me smiling, those dark eyes sparkling. Again I felt something inside my preteen form glowing. Only Alexander could make me feel this way. I was sure that these emotions meant something was wrong with me. Still I couldn't keep my eyes off those deep, dark pools that only seemed to light up for me. I looked away for a moment. I was too young for thoughts like that.

He reached out a hand and I shook it gratefully.

Days later I listened half hearted as our teacher spoke. Alexander was making trouble, and talking out of turn as usual. He had a way of making a discussion out of nothing. He always had a question or something to add. I found most of the information interesting but useless. We would never see these places. I took in the words about India and the barbarians. Nothing, I thought, stuck in my head like these words.

As Aristotle spoke in his philosophical way he slipped in something that interested me greatly.

"When men lay together in lust they lay together without righteousness. When they lay together in knowledge and virtue they lay together for the better of mankind," he said seriously. I tilted my head thinking about it for a moment.

Then my mind ran cold with anger at the cruel thoughtless words. I didn't often argue with the teacher as Alexander did but I almost spoke up at the moment. What did he mean if men laid together in lust? Didn't men and women do it often? Why should men not be allowed to do that with each other? Why should they be separated from the ones they loved simply due to gender? It wasn't fair. It wasn't as though you could choose who your heart loved. It wasn't as if you could stop it either.

I took a breath and looked over at Alexander. For the sake of him I must stop this feeling I got in my chest when we were together. We are young that is all. My heart is foolish, and I have a crush that's all. It's not love; it's a simple crush or lust maybe. I'm not with many girls so I must just be taken with the prettiest boy around, who just happens to be my best friend.

He saw me staring and smiled at me happily. I looked away. A stupid boyhood crush. It would pass. It must pass.

Alexander found me walking around in the markets weeks later. I had been trying to avoid him for 15 days. Ever since I had started thinking more and more about him, it was harder and harder to do. I told lies about having to do other things or having too much studying to deal with. I hated being away from him, but I had to realize that we were both boys and what I was feeling was wrong. So far all I had realized was that my feelings could never be voiced, and should never have been there at all.

"Hephaistion, you won't believe what my father is going to buy for me," Alexander said, putting his hand on my shoulder as he came up closer to me. I felt my heart speed up but forced my excitement down. I blamed this reaction on my body, becoming a man. The younger boys were telling me I would have a beard any day now.

"What's he getting you now? A new flute?" I asked, knowing his love of music. I could listen for hours to him playing his instruments. He had the most delicate and beautiful fingers. I wish I could just go over and show my respect to those fingers. I shook my head and laughed a bit trying to pretend it was over nothing in particular.

"No, he's getting me a war horse. He got one sent here from a distant land and if father likes him he's going be all mine. Can't ya believe that? A real war horse!" he said with childlike excitement.

"Wow you sure are lucky," I told him trying, to keep my thoughts pure. I was a little older then him and found sometimes the differences in our ages showed through. His excitement over the horse seemed proof enough.

"Yeah you bet. Mother is coming to see it too," he said, starting to pull me towards the corrals. I pulled away trying to get out of his grip.

"No I can't. I have to go get some work done for my family," I explained quickly. He looked at me, hurt. I couldn't take it. The sadness in his eyes hurt me to the core.

"Hephaistion, have I done something to upset you? It seems you have no time to be my friend anymore," he stated looking down at the ground. He seemed very distressed about the situation. I hated myself for doing this to him. I shouldn't have gone about things like I did. Avoiding him only hurt him, and made me hurt in return.

"No. I just needed some time to get things done. Now that I think about it we haven't spent a lot of time together lately. From now on I promise to make more time for you Alexander," I promised and his smile came back.

"Good. I missed talking to you. For some reason all the other boys just don't compare. I like you best. You always say the right thing when I need you to," he said wrapping an innocent arm around my waist as we walked down to the stables. I tried my best not to think of his arm.

When we finally got down there the horse was already with his father. He went over to his mother and watched. I stayed out of sight near some of the other boys that were watching their king try and control the horse. He had the reigns in his hands.

Phillip, in my opinion, was not a horrible man. He confused me more then anything. He treated Alexander with such a mix of hate and love. My own father could do the same but not at the levels that Phillip did. Sometimes he could be the most intelligent king, and others he could be an abusive tyrant. Often he would tell Alexander how worthless he was, and that he was his mother's son. Other times he would praise him for work well done, and call him his own. The man could upset Alexander too easily and didn't care if his words hurt the boy.

King Phillip growled and got out of the corral yelling, "That horse cannot be ridden!"

"I can do it," Alexander said coming down the road to his father.

They started fighting over money or something, but I couldn't hear. My heart was racing with worry at the shouts and things the men were saying. He could tell that they meant it. The horse could kill him. If Alexander made a mistake he would die.

Suddenly the fact that we were training to go to war hit me hard. Alexander might one day be leading me, and others, to our death. I wasn't concerned that I might die, but that he might. Alexander might die in battle, and leave me here alone. He wasn't immortal. He wasn't invincible. He was just a boy like any one of us. I had to push him. I had to push him to be the best, the smartest, bravest, strongest and everything else he would need to be in his life to succeed and still be with me. I promised at that moment to support him and all his dreams. That's what he would need in life to live happily. Someone he could depend on to be there for him.

I watched him with the horse. I watched his movements, along with the horse's, closely. My breathing was quick and labored. The danger was there and I could swear that I could see it. Why did he want to do this? What good was this horse? Why was it important enough to risk life and limb over?

Suddenly he got on the horse and it didn't buck. The horse settled down slowly. Alexander smiled, and the look of pride on his face was worth millions. I knew why he did it then.

As he rode off on his horse, that look of pride faded and turned into pure pleasure. He wasn't complete unless he was conquering something. He wanted to be on top of the world and would take nothing else than having it all. Some might blame it on his mother but I knew it was something inside him that called him towards greatness. No outside force could fuel his heart. Alexander was born for greatness and he would achieve it one way or another.

((Ayushi: I hope you enjoyed yourself. Remember a review may only be written in a few words but it's work a million. It helps others feel good about themselves and their writing so leave one for me when I return!!))


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